[There's a hesitation on his side of the line, at that, like he's just a little more uncomfortable with the question than he'd prefer to admit.]
It's not that, exactly.
[How does he. Put this. Without getting into territory that's not his story to tell.]
Just--knowing they can get into our heads, change everything we thought we knew about who we are...the moment that sinks in is kind of terrifying, you know?
[Because it could happen again. And maybe the next time wouldn't be quite so innocent as an idyllic little fake town where everyone grew up peaceful and happy. Jerry -- or whoever pulls his strings -- can slowly wear away at the foundations of what makes them who they are, and there wouldn't be anyone who could stop them.]
That, and I had to tell Sandry I wasn't actually her dad, and it really sucked.
[A year ago he fully wouldn't have been able to do it, would've tried to make the lie work until it inevitably blew up in his face, and even now he'd been tempted.]
...Anyway, it doesn't have to be for venting or anything bad. Hell, you need an extra hand to move furniture, you can drop me a line. [It's still audio, but there's a sound of shuffling fabric as he shrugs]
Besides, if someone asked me for something I didn't wanna do, I just wouldn't do it. Not too worried about that.
[He's quiet-- Kotetsu would be forgiven for wondering if for a moment, the line had gone dead. But It's mostly him considering it. It was weird and annoying, but he hadn't felt too shaken by the whole thing. After all, once those false memories were sorted put, they were easy for him to shake off and ignore.
But maybe that's just a strength that comes from being a Persona User. They can never escape their true selves.
But unlike himself, Kotetsu had been more affected. Clearly still felt some responsability, despite knowing the truth of things.]
I'm gonna be honest: you seem like the kinda guy whose never said 'no' in his life.
[It's. Maybe a joke.]
Why offer? You ain't responsible for any of us here.
[There's a moment in which Shinjiro can perhaps make out the faint sputter of a man reduced to goldfishing, because he'd intended to object to that remark, but genuinely can't think of an incidence in his life where he actually turned down someone asking for help.
Being called out by his own fake nephew, gosh!! This is so rude.
Bravado and posturing have failed him, though, so he turns to what he's always done best -- sincerity. At length:]
I wouldn't get involved in anything that could put us in more danger, anyway. Like ... someone messing with the Ketsorans or City Hall again. Or some other dumbass half-baked stunt like that.
[That's the answer to the easier question, in a way. The other has an equally obvious answer to him, but he's for once not quite prepared to charge into giving it recklessly. Silco had already gotten in his face a couple months ago for daring to suggest that it made sense for the Chosen to look out for each other, and he's already hearing a shade of it in Shinjiro's defensiveness, too.]
...As for why, the real honest answer, here? Why not?
[That's the crux of it, and it's not untrue, but he gets the feeling he needs to say more to convince the kid. He lets out a soft exhale.]
I really do have a daughter, you know. Just a few years younger than most of you.
[It's bothered him from the beginning, but he's tried to keep a lid on it, simply make himself available rather than offer outright. But things feel different, now. Maybe it's because it's gotten more dangerous of late, or the echoes of the false memories, or simply because having had to admit to Sandry that he wasn't her dad when she asked him, disoriented and confused as she was, had been a miserable experience...he couldn't say.]
I always thought if she were the one here instead of me, I'd want someone looking out for her. So.
[Again he's quiet, considering Kotetsus words, giving it some thought-- and quickly enough he decides it's bullshit and gives a dismissive snort.]
Great for you. You'd want that for her. But what about what the rest of us want? Don't act like we can't make our own decisions or deal with life just cause we ain't 20 yet.
[As far as Shinjiro is concerned this isn't even about him. He's just an easy target for the guy's desperation.]
Is this actually about looking out for people you decide are 'kids', or is it about you feeling like you're doing something?
[There's a moment where the barb does hit its mark, and Kotetsu feels the sting of offense -- the implication that his words are an empty gesture, solely for his own benefit, bothers him. Is it really so hard to believe a near-stranger might genuinely care? ...Maybe. He thinks back to Kriem, abandoned by her parents to the hands of a kidnapper simply because she was a NEXT. This kid's probably had a rough time of it, too.
He sighs, after a long moment. The kneejerk is still there to deny it outright, to get as loudly annoyed at the accusation as he feels. But it won't help. He can swallow his pride for the bigger priority, here--not having the metaphorical door shoved in his face immediately.]
Can't it be both? There's nothing I can do about being separated from my kid, but I can reach out and try to help the kids here. ...I'd want to do it anyway, even if she were with me, but yeah. Being able to look out for you guys would make it easier to deal with being stuck in this whole situation.
[It's not untrue, at least. And maybe Shinjiro will be more willing to believe in his sincerity, this way.]
It's just an open door, that's all. I'm not looking to get in the way of your life.
[He sighs. It's not a gentle or resigned one, either. Sure. He believes Kotetsu wants to find people and feel as though he's a positive impact on them-- but why him? Why now? And how did he even think that would go about happening? It's all just-- awkward. Like someone drowning and grasping for any shred of normalcy or meaning they can, regardless of how it would be received.
So he'll press a bit more. Work it out to the logical extreme. Maybe then Kotetsu will find an iota of self awareness ]
...I think you need the help and support more than I do, from the sounds of it.
Listen: I look after myself. I pick up jobs I need. I pay for my own shit. I got people I know here who've got my back, and I've got theirs.
What do you think I'm missing and why do you think you're the guy for the job?
[Kotetsu scrubs at his face. This isn't really how he'd imagined the conversation going. In truth, he hadn't even had anything specific in mind moreso than wanting the kid to know that those memories being false didn't mean that whole situation was nothing to him, that he wasn't someone who could be reached out to if difficulties arose in the future, simply because they did not actually have a connection beyond what was falsified during that month. Kotetsu's never needed a reason to want to help anyone. It's just something he cares about doing.]
I never said you couldn't do any of those things. But what's wrong with one more guy to watch your back? Or, hell, just an extra number to call if there's trouble and the people whose backs you're watching need help?
[That's all he really wanted to offer, in the first place.]
What's wrong is I don't know or care who you are, and instead of taking the hint, you're out here calling me a kid, comparing it to you looking after your daughter, and pushing and fighting for me to say... What? 'Thank You' to the random guy who got written into being a relative because he wants to keep pretending?
Shit, is this how you treat your daughter, too? Ignore anything she actually says she wants for what you think she needs instead?
[He's stunned into silence for a bit. That one really hurts, actually, if only because this time he knows there is a grain of truth to it. He's struggled in the past with understanding what Kaede wants and needs from him, that much had become very clear a couple years ago, and they're still working out the bumps in the road as he tries to work harder on communicating and being there.
Shinjiro doesn't know any of that, of course, but having it thrown in his face like this hits him harder than he thought it could. Genuinely, though, he hadn't anticipated simply an expression of wanting to care to be considered an overstep, to earn this much pushback.]
...I wasn't looking for thanks. I just wanted you to know that just because it was fake didn't mean it didn't matter to me. If I wanted to "keep pretending", I could've just acted like I wasn't sure it was fake.
[He told Sandry the truth, even if it was hard. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake, but he resents, a little bit, the implication that his intentions were dishonest.]
The only reason I brought my kid up was because you asked why, and I didn't think you'd believe me if I said I didn't need a reason. So I picked one that was true.
[Obviously, it backfired. But he doubts at this point he could've said anything to convince the kid of his sincerity. If he's had it as rough as Kotetsu suspects, maybe he just doesn't trust adults at all. ]
But if it's easier to assume the worst about me, that's fine. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want. Offer's always open if you change your mind, though.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
drugsnotclubs) wrote2025-07-11 02:02 pm
no subject
It's not that, exactly.
[How does he. Put this. Without getting into territory that's not his story to tell.]
Just--knowing they can get into our heads, change everything we thought we knew about who we are...the moment that sinks in is kind of terrifying, you know?
[Because it could happen again. And maybe the next time wouldn't be quite so innocent as an idyllic little fake town where everyone grew up peaceful and happy. Jerry -- or whoever pulls his strings -- can slowly wear away at the foundations of what makes them who they are, and there wouldn't be anyone who could stop them.]
That, and I had to tell Sandry I wasn't actually her dad, and it really sucked.
[A year ago he fully wouldn't have been able to do it, would've tried to make the lie work until it inevitably blew up in his face, and even now he'd been tempted.]
...Anyway, it doesn't have to be for venting or anything bad. Hell, you need an extra hand to move furniture, you can drop me a line. [It's still audio, but there's a sound of shuffling fabric as he shrugs]
Besides, if someone asked me for something I didn't wanna do, I just wouldn't do it. Not too worried about that.
no subject
But maybe that's just a strength that comes from being a Persona User. They can never escape their true selves.
But unlike himself, Kotetsu had been more affected. Clearly still felt some responsability, despite knowing the truth of things.]
I'm gonna be honest: you seem like the kinda guy whose never said 'no' in his life.
[It's. Maybe a joke.]
Why offer? You ain't responsible for any of us here.
no subject
Being called out by his own fake nephew, gosh!! This is so rude.
Bravado and posturing have failed him, though, so he turns to what he's always done best -- sincerity. At length:]
I wouldn't get involved in anything that could put us in more danger, anyway. Like ... someone messing with the Ketsorans or City Hall again. Or some other dumbass half-baked stunt like that.
[That's the answer to the easier question, in a way. The other has an equally obvious answer to him, but he's for once not quite prepared to charge into giving it recklessly. Silco had already gotten in his face a couple months ago for daring to suggest that it made sense for the Chosen to look out for each other, and he's already hearing a shade of it in Shinjiro's defensiveness, too.]
...As for why, the real honest answer, here? Why not?
[That's the crux of it, and it's not untrue, but he gets the feeling he needs to say more to convince the kid. He lets out a soft exhale.]
I really do have a daughter, you know. Just a few years younger than most of you.
[It's bothered him from the beginning, but he's tried to keep a lid on it, simply make himself available rather than offer outright. But things feel different, now. Maybe it's because it's gotten more dangerous of late, or the echoes of the false memories, or simply because having had to admit to Sandry that he wasn't her dad when she asked him, disoriented and confused as she was, had been a miserable experience...he couldn't say.]
I always thought if she were the one here instead of me, I'd want someone looking out for her. So.
no subject
Great for you. You'd want that for her. But what about what the rest of us want? Don't act like we can't make our own decisions or deal with life just cause we ain't 20 yet.
[As far as Shinjiro is concerned this isn't even about him. He's just an easy target for the guy's desperation.]
Is this actually about looking out for people you decide are 'kids', or is it about you feeling like you're doing something?
no subject
He sighs, after a long moment. The kneejerk is still there to deny it outright, to get as loudly annoyed at the accusation as he feels. But it won't help. He can swallow his pride for the bigger priority, here--not having the metaphorical door shoved in his face immediately.]
Can't it be both? There's nothing I can do about being separated from my kid, but I can reach out and try to help the kids here. ...I'd want to do it anyway, even if she were with me, but yeah. Being able to look out for you guys would make it easier to deal with being stuck in this whole situation.
[It's not untrue, at least. And maybe Shinjiro will be more willing to believe in his sincerity, this way.]
It's just an open door, that's all. I'm not looking to get in the way of your life.
no subject
So he'll press a bit more. Work it out to the logical extreme. Maybe then Kotetsu will find an iota of self awareness ]
...I think you need the help and support more than I do, from the sounds of it.
Listen: I look after myself. I pick up jobs I need. I pay for my own shit. I got people I know here who've got my back, and I've got theirs.
What do you think I'm missing and why do you think you're the guy for the job?
no subject
I never said you couldn't do any of those things. But what's wrong with one more guy to watch your back? Or, hell, just an extra number to call if there's trouble and the people whose backs you're watching need help?
[That's all he really wanted to offer, in the first place.]
no subject
Shit, is this how you treat your daughter, too? Ignore anything she actually says she wants for what you think she needs instead?
no subject
Shinjiro doesn't know any of that, of course, but having it thrown in his face like this hits him harder than he thought it could. Genuinely, though, he hadn't anticipated simply an expression of wanting to care to be considered an overstep, to earn this much pushback.]
...I wasn't looking for thanks. I just wanted you to know that just because it was fake didn't mean it didn't matter to me. If I wanted to "keep pretending", I could've just acted like I wasn't sure it was fake.
[He told Sandry the truth, even if it was hard. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake, but he resents, a little bit, the implication that his intentions were dishonest.]
The only reason I brought my kid up was because you asked why, and I didn't think you'd believe me if I said I didn't need a reason. So I picked one that was true.
[Obviously, it backfired. But he doubts at this point he could've said anything to convince the kid of his sincerity. If he's had it as rough as Kotetsu suspects, maybe he just doesn't trust adults at all. ]
But if it's easier to assume the worst about me, that's fine. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want. Offer's always open if you change your mind, though.