(going back to the dojo won't do. it'll be yet another wall of distance between manjiro and his problems, considering the fact so much has happened under that roof. two places that give him a sense of pride and invulnerability - home, and the rally spot in the musashi shrine. therefore, somewhere far and immediate sounds like it would be much better - before he changes his fucking mind. for a moment or two, he's quiet, before he shrugs a shoulder.)
Doesn't matter where it is.
(shinjiro doesn't seem like he'd care if mikey is weak, if he is vulnerable. they are close to nothing for each other, and whether he has his respect and admiration is not something manjiro really cares about - he already doesn't, anyway. it'd break him to talk to the people who like him, who care, who are so stupidly determined that they won't let him just be if they knew the full extent of what manjiro goes through.
yu, scott, takemichi, kotone. difficult as is.)
... You know, have I ever told you about my family?
[Well. This is neutral enough ground. Besides, Shinjiro still has a lot of thinking to do himself about his sentencing bullshit. He hadn't expected it to be so... accurate, tailored to cut right into what he never truly lets himself look at within himself. So why not have this little chat right at the site of their call-outs?]
Probably. I don't really remember, though. Something about taking over from your brother?
[Something something pride and honor of their gang and wanting to whip their territory into shape or something? It feels familiar.]
(manjiro takes a moment, because how does he even start to untangle that web of things? where does he even start? it wasn't a single thing that affected him, not the murder, not the lack of parental guidance, it wasn't-- one. so he drags on his cigarette, trying to stall a little, steal some time for his thoughts to come into place.
they probably won't. but let the record show that he is trying.)
... Yeah. Shinichiro was the President of the Black Dragons, which turned out to be the number one gang in the 2000s. With my dad dead and my mom in the hospital, that's where I grew up. With the Black Dragons and my brother, he raised me. When the Black Dragons reached the peak, my brother disbanded them and became a civilian. He had a biker shop and everything, and every delinquent in Tokyo hung there, so my brother was a big influence, you know. He was incredible.
... But gangs don't die. They become generations. The new generation started picking on my friend Kazutora, jumping him. We created the Tokyo Manji so we could protect him in the same vein. After we got that done, a little time after, my birthday came. Kazutora decided, because he loved me, he wanted to give me a decent bike, so he and another friend of ours broke into a bike shop to steal one. The owner was there, and Kazutora freaked out and hit him with a pipe.
... And that was Shinichiro. And he died that day. Pretty shitty.
[When, Mikey speaks he's quiet and attentive. Patiently lets the guy work through his thoughts and words to lay the groundwork for where he was coming from. Raised by a brother who was killed by a friend it seems, all wrapped up in biker-gang dressings. Regardless of the details, there's a few core things he can understand. Someone you protected and who wanted to do their best fucking up on such a scale. The sort of 'accident' that could never be made right. Sure, no one intended for it-- but that didn't change the end result.
He exhales slowly, shaking his head in an expression of-- maybe not sympathy but of understanding of the difficulty of it.]
.... So what happened with you and Kazutora? He was an idiot, and fucked you up when trying to do something for you. How'd you handle that?
[He doesn't sound judgmental when he mentions the other guy, though. Because in this situation.... maybe he's more like Kazutora. So focused on finally doing something right that you're blind to every warning sign around you. Eventually getting in over your head and having no true excuse.]
(he has to think for a moment, because he didn't exactly deal with it. he decided to follow on his brother's footsteps, knowing fully well that he is not the man his brother was. he's off, like something is broken in his brain, but somehow it kept him close. kept him looking forward to honor the person who inspired his every step,
kazutora wasn't in the picture when he was doing just that.)
Kazutora went to juvie. I waited for him to get out, because I was going to kill him, but our friend Baji asked me not to. He was there with him when it happened. I loved Baji, so I didn't-- except Tora came out of prison and blamed me for the whole thing. He started a whole gang war, hit the shit out of me, stabbed Baji. I pretty much blacked out there, punched him an inch away from death. I think that's why I am being tried for murder. Didn't do it -- because Baji died and Takemichi stopped me. He's in jail now. I sent the others to tell him he's forgiven - Baji wouldn't have any other way.
[So Mikey had decided to kill him, been talked down-- but then the guy had escalated shit more. No wonder it felt complicated to Mikey.]
I guess the whole time he was locked away he could twist it around in his head. S'fucked up.
[What else is there to say? It is a fucked up situation. No one looks good coming out the other side. The two people Mikey had tried to emulate or honor in his handling of the situation had been killed due to it-- his brother and whoever 'Baji' was. It reminds Shinjiro again about how fucking complicated ties can be. Gangs, teams, whatever.
Though telling someone what happened to him isn't exactly what Mikey's being asked to do with his sentencing, is it. Time to ask a bit deeper, he guesses.]
So that's the play by play. Now you're stuck here holding the bag. What's your plan?
(that's the thing. facts are facts, emotions are emotions. he doesn't have a plan. there's nothing he can do, and as horrible as it is, kazutora's thing was like, 5 horrible things ago. there's too much on his mind for him to keep getting back to kazutora, he'll be out in twelve years after all. who knows, maybe in that time he can mean it for himself.)
... I don't know. I haven't forgiven him for me. I have seen some things here. Things that lead me to think that I'll become someone shitty in the future. I think it's probably warranted that I will kill someone sooner or later. Hell, I have concrete plans to, as soon as I get home. I think... I think it's bullshit that it's been given to me like that, when I haven't done anything yet, but at the same time...
I see it. Sometimes, I can't control myself, shit happens and I realize later, like with Kazutora. Maybe I should just accept it.
If you ain't forgiven him for you, than you ain't forgiven him at all. [He says it like it's basic. Staying his hand out of respect for a friend's wishes wasn't the same as 'forgiveness'.]
Not that you ever gotta forgive anyone. Hate the fucker forever, if that's what you need. It's what you do about it that actually matters.
[At least, in the simplified version of events? That's what it sounds like to Shinjiro. Mikey still hates the guy, wants to see him dead-- but also seems torn on if killing him will lead to worse things down the road. It's the dilemma of what you want versus what's actually for the best-- with the additional fear of not being able to trust yourself, known that control is an issue.]
Sounds like they pegged you for intentions, though, if you're that set on it. So do you want it to work out like that, or nah?
(does he hate? not really. he resents... something, but it has never been the fact that he created toman for kazutora. he doesn't even fucking know.)
I think so too.
(or for the future, like early punishment, a preventive measure.)
It's not... Really about what I want. Sometimes, Shinj, I don't know shit. I don't know right, wrong, left, right, just-- like my body moves on its own, and I want to destroy everything in front of me, and unfortunately, I am strong as fuck. I don't hate it completely, but I don't think I have a choice with it either. I try to control it, but I can't. I tried to kill Yu here already, and I didn't even compute it.
... Maybe I deserve the punishment, because I can't help it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
drugsnotclubs) wrote2025-07-11 02:02 pm
no subject
Doesn't matter where it is.
(shinjiro doesn't seem like he'd care if mikey is weak, if he is vulnerable. they are close to nothing for each other, and whether he has his respect and admiration is not something manjiro really cares about - he already doesn't, anyway. it'd break him to talk to the people who like him, who care, who are so stupidly determined that they won't let him just be if they knew the full extent of what manjiro goes through.
yu, scott, takemichi, kotone. difficult as is.)
... You know, have I ever told you about my family?
no subject
Probably. I don't really remember, though. Something about taking over from your brother?
[Something something pride and honor of their gang and wanting to whip their territory into shape or something? It feels familiar.]
I'm guessing there's more to it?
no subject
they probably won't. but let the record show that he is trying.)
... Yeah. Shinichiro was the President of the Black Dragons, which turned out to be the number one gang in the 2000s. With my dad dead and my mom in the hospital, that's where I grew up. With the Black Dragons and my brother, he raised me. When the Black Dragons reached the peak, my brother disbanded them and became a civilian. He had a biker shop and everything, and every delinquent in Tokyo hung there, so my brother was a big influence, you know. He was incredible.
... But gangs don't die. They become generations. The new generation started picking on my friend Kazutora, jumping him. We created the Tokyo Manji so we could protect him in the same vein. After we got that done, a little time after, my birthday came. Kazutora decided, because he loved me, he wanted to give me a decent bike, so he and another friend of ours broke into a bike shop to steal one. The owner was there, and Kazutora freaked out and hit him with a pipe.
... And that was Shinichiro. And he died that day. Pretty shitty.
no subject
He exhales slowly, shaking his head in an expression of-- maybe not sympathy but of understanding of the difficulty of it.]
.... So what happened with you and Kazutora? He was an idiot, and fucked you up when trying to do something for you. How'd you handle that?
[He doesn't sound judgmental when he mentions the other guy, though. Because in this situation.... maybe he's more like Kazutora. So focused on finally doing something right that you're blind to every warning sign around you. Eventually getting in over your head and having no true excuse.]
cw suicide and murder
kazutora wasn't in the picture when he was doing just that.)
Kazutora went to juvie. I waited for him to get out, because I was going to kill him, but our friend Baji asked me not to. He was there with him when it happened. I loved Baji, so I didn't-- except Tora came out of prison and blamed me for the whole thing. He started a whole gang war, hit the shit out of me, stabbed Baji. I pretty much blacked out there, punched him an inch away from death. I think that's why I am being tried for murder. Didn't do it -- because Baji died and Takemichi stopped me. He's in jail now. I sent the others to tell him he's forgiven - Baji wouldn't have any other way.
i should put that at the top of my profile tbh
I guess the whole time he was locked away he could twist it around in his head. S'fucked up.
[What else is there to say? It is a fucked up situation. No one looks good coming out the other side. The two people Mikey had tried to emulate or honor in his handling of the situation had been killed due to it-- his brother and whoever 'Baji' was. It reminds Shinjiro again about how fucking complicated ties can be. Gangs, teams, whatever.
Though telling someone what happened to him isn't exactly what Mikey's being asked to do with his sentencing, is it. Time to ask a bit deeper, he guesses.]
So that's the play by play. Now you're stuck here holding the bag. What's your plan?
should i give you that journal as a gift
... I don't know. I haven't forgiven him for me. I have seen some things here. Things that lead me to think that I'll become someone shitty in the future. I think it's probably warranted that I will kill someone sooner or later. Hell, I have concrete plans to, as soon as I get home. I think... I think it's bullshit that it's been given to me like that, when I haven't done anything yet, but at the same time...
I see it. Sometimes, I can't control myself, shit happens and I realize later, like with Kazutora. Maybe I should just accept it.
HA HA HA no i good but thx u
Not that you ever gotta forgive anyone. Hate the fucker forever, if that's what you need. It's what you do about it that actually matters.
[At least, in the simplified version of events? That's what it sounds like to Shinjiro. Mikey still hates the guy, wants to see him dead-- but also seems torn on if killing him will lead to worse things down the road. It's the dilemma of what you want versus what's actually for the best-- with the additional fear of not being able to trust yourself, known that control is an issue.]
Sounds like they pegged you for intentions, though, if you're that set on it. So do you want it to work out like that, or nah?
no subject
(does he hate? not really. he resents... something, but it has never been the fact that he created toman for kazutora. he doesn't even fucking know.)
I think so too.
(or for the future, like early punishment, a preventive measure.)
It's not... Really about what I want. Sometimes, Shinj, I don't know shit. I don't know right, wrong, left, right, just-- like my body moves on its own, and I want to destroy everything in front of me, and unfortunately, I am strong as fuck. I don't hate it completely, but I don't think I have a choice with it either. I try to control it, but I can't. I tried to kill Yu here already, and I didn't even compute it.
... Maybe I deserve the punishment, because I can't help it.